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| Monday, June 19, 2006 |
| Wanna hear me make fun of my brother more? |
Check out the travel blog.
Also, not bringing my digital camera with me is possibly my largest regret ever. I can visualize it, sitting there, on my desk. I really miss it.
(Oh yah, and if you are reading this, I quite possibly miss you too.) |
posted by Jess at 2:22 AM | Permalink |
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| Wednesday, June 14, 2006 |
| Fuzzy Memories |
This completely gratutitous picture of kittens is just to let you know I'm gone and I've left. And this time next week, I'll be hurtling through a steel tube over the Pacific Ocean.
I wonder if beards are popular in the Southern Hemisphere? |
| posted by Jess at 8:16 AM | Permalink |
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| Sunday, June 11, 2006 |
| The Blogger's Choice Awards |
On night two of NXNE, Adam and I looked less married couple, and more like superheroes. Superheroes with moisturizing and delicious cherry flavoured lip balm.
The whole weekend we had been trying to promote the NXNE "People's Choice Awards," where people could text in the name of their favourite band, and the band with the most votes at the end of the weekend would win $5000 and one of their songs turned into a tinny annoying ringtone that is only about 7 seconds long in length. (Which is why we were handing out the lipbalm- the instructions were printed on the lid.) Over the course of the weekend, I met so many amazing bands that were probably deserving in one way or another of winning. Screw the People's Choice Awards. This is the "Jess Choice Awards." 
Our first venue was Healey's, where we saw part of the Nods' (from Winnipeg) set. It sounded more or less like generic indie punk rock, but enjoyable nonetheless, with a edge of throwback to early 1960s pop. It was energetic, and definitely the answer to the "I'm getting ready to go out and really don't want to listen to pop or dance music" conundrum. I also got the chance to chat with another group from Winnipeg, Tele. 
And the award for drink of choice to get through three straight 14 hour working days goes to. . .Red Bull!
Adam I were an unstoppable force in distributing collateral (in non-marketing terms: getting rid of the atrocious lipbalm). Our tactic was to divide and conquer:
I was in charge of the male division.
And Adam used the Power of Australia to handle the ladies. We were a force to be reckoned with!
I had to overcome my intense fear of mascots for this photo opportunity. But my nerves were soothed when I discovered the guy underneath had a beard. This picture also gets the award for my favourite picture from the entire weekend.
Sam came to join us mid-way through the night.
And the award for the saddest thing I saw all weekend goes to. . .this photo.
At the El Mocambo, I started chatting up these guys, some of whom turned out to be members for a band I already throughly enjoy, Raising the Fawn.
Scott from Raising the Fawn gets two awards: one for best overall styling, the other for the best hockey conversation I had all weekend.
At the end of the night, Adam unzipped his bag to reveal all the Doritos he had stolen from our counterparts, the Doritos people. I imagine that somewhere, some Doritos employee has a bag full of cherry flavoured lip balm.
Day two- complete!
On Saturday morning, I arrived bright and early in Dundas Square to begin my 14-hour day. Since Adam and I were the first ones there, we were assigned the task of putting the labels on the Adidas shoe boxes, in accordance with the list of shoe sizes. I really enjoyed the huge note on the list about what a freak I am.
Okay. Maybe not as much of a freak as this guy.
At the tent, people were able to send text messages to the big screen in Dundas Square. I spent the first two hours moderating the text messages. However, when people weren't sending any in, I was allowed to essentially type whatever I wanted to appear on the screen.
And the award for the most drunk with power goes to. . . me!
Jessex stopped by to say hi.
The award for best performance I saw all weekend goes to Spiral Beach. These kids are apparently about 16-years-old, and they are definitely doing something that no one else really is right now. I like that.
The guys from Eldog and Jo Mango get the award for the nicest foreigner bands I met. Jo Mango's set was somewhat typical of what's going on in indie rock right now, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit.
The guys from Crush Luther and Cauterize get three awards. 1) For being collectively being the most attractive bands I talked to all weekend. Red Shag Carpet came in a close second for this award, especially after the guy from Red Shag brought me a water, but these guys won out because 2) they made me laugh. A lot. Which they also get an award for. 3) Finally, they get the award for being my new favourite people ever, because they filled up an entire suitcase with cherry flavoured lip balm. (They were sold on it after I pointed out that cherry flavoured petroleum product can be used on a variety of body parts, not just your lips.)
I really think that my supervisor will like this picture. (I submitted it with my reports.)
Adam gets an award for looking like a promotional male model.
This guy gets an award for being both a robot AND having a beard. (At one point in the day, I got in trouble for not being "fully branded" as illustrated by my outfit in this photo. Ugh.)
Ashley and Greg get an award for carrying a huge tupperware container of cookies through Dundas Square, and offering me one.
After I returned from Dundas Square at 8:20, I collapsed on the floor in a miserable heap. Being bubbly, energetic and acting slightly ditzy for nine hours straight had drained every ounce life force out of me. But it wasn't over. Because I was supposed to be at my next venue to meet Rod at 8:30. 
By the time 10:30 last night rolled around, my body had developed an immunity to the energy drinks I had been consuming for the last 72 hours. With Rod's encouragment, I gave in a did a bad thing. The night was starting to look up: there was beer, the Oilers were winning the hockey game, and there was live music.
For whatever reason, I think I did my job better after that.
This picture is from the collection of "photos I didn't submit with my report for a very specific reason."
Our last venue was the Vatikan. This person gets an award for rhyming as well as Kriss Kross.
Congratulations to all the winners of the Jess Choice Awards! And although your prize isn't $5,000 and an annoying ringtone, it is something almost as good- cherry flavoured lip balm! Contact me and we'll arrange a drop off! (You could make a sculpture out of lip balm, have a party with a slip n'slide coated in lip balm. . .Really, the possibilities for lip balm are endless. It's hard for me to give up, but really, I think you all deserve it.) Finally, the night was over. So what would you do after three 14-hour energy-draining work days in a row? Okay, now what would I do? I think the answer is obvious: 
At 1 a.m. Scott and Alice rolled up in a cab, we shed our "fully branded" outfits, and we were on our way to 99 Sudbury. To see Mstrkrft. (Yes, again.) 
And by see, I mean, dance outlandishly to.
At this point in the night, we were quite literally crazed, to quote Alice. "I ran into some of the other people we were working with on the street," Alice told me at brunch this morning, "and we were crazed, really. We were sleep-deprived, wearing these matching team outfits, standing on the street, yelling loudly and just throwing lip balm at one another! We were out of control."
I think our dancing probably reflected it.
Things had stopped making sense.
I couldn't think clearly.
So I just kept dancing.
"When do you leave for your trip, Blog Jess?" Adam asked me the other night at dinner. 
"This Wednesday. So, really soon." 
A sad look came over Scott's face. He looked distraught. "But," he stuttered, worried, "who's going to blog us when you're gone?!" It's good to know I'll be missed. 
This is what 5 in the morning, with little to no food, a sunburn, multiple rye & cokes, no shower, and a cherry-smelling petroleum product fuelled weekend looks like. Seriously though, guys, I have tons of lip balm left. If anyone has a hill and a slip n' slide, I think we should give it a go!
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| posted by Jess at 7:11 PM | Permalink |
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| Friday, June 09, 2006 |
| Jess Lock will make you jump, jump! |
"Some of them try to rhyme, but they can't rhyme like this,
Some of them try to rhyme, but they can't rhyme like this!"
That's strange, Kriss Kross. Because you rhymed one line with another identical line.
I'm confused.
Does this bother anyone else? |
| posted by Jess at 7:25 PM | Permalink |
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| Things Are Good! |
I just returned home from my first shift at NXNE. The night was fruitful, and not just in the cherry lipbalm sense (or should I say scent. . .ahahaha!) of the word. Apparently having a named brand garishly whored out across every available space on your body is a conversation topic. Goodies from the night include:
-a condom from Australia
-a band demo CD that was given to me by some kid's mom
-a business card for "Things are Good.com"
-two pins and a sticker
-the best quote I've heard in a while, "Until you watch Stars Wars you'll never find a boyfriend who loves you completely." (Which only verifies what I said in my last post; 13-year sci fi nerds do in fact grow up to be 20-something indie music nerds. With beards, no less!)
-and an inflated ego from being shamelessly hit on all night
Rod, my partner, was not the keener I had initially accessed him of being. Unfortunatly, after talking to him for only 10 minutes, I said something along the lines of, "Man, I thought you were a keener. I'm so glad you're not." Rod, now knowing that I had already gossiped about him without ever actually talking to him first,* was not too impressed with me. He was also not too impressed with the speed at which I talked. (Apparently, I talk way too fast.)
It took me the rest of the night to win his heart back, but now we're like an old married couple wearing matching Corporate whore outfits. It's too bad we don't have matching Adidas visors, too. I think it would complete the look.
First we went to Neutral where we checked out Red Shag Carpet, a band from Edmonton. After a twenty minute soundcheck and what appeared to be a prayer circle, one of the organizers walked over to Rod and I looking disgruntled.
"What the fuck?" he muttered to us conspiratorally under his breath, "most people just get on and off. Nobody does a sound check at these things! They just cut into 15 minutes of their set!"
Two songs later, I glanced over at the same organizer to see a grin on his face. "It was worth the wait, hey?" I asked him.
"It really was," he agreed, tapping along to the music.
And it really was. Red Shag Carpet was refereshing. There is no other way to phrase it. They were all solid musicians, who shared vocals amongst songs rather than delegating one of their members as the singer. I'd avoid likening them to Sloan, as would be the Canadian music critic standard cliche in such a case, but it's the only comparison I've got. However, they sound nothing like Sloan. Their sound was clean and upbeat, and I'm always sucker for a keyboard and maracas.
Parents will approve. Seventeen-year-old girls will have new hearthrobs.
It was fucking refreshing.
Other bands worth checking out:
-David Ace Dean, Toronto (recommended by Alice & Mark)
-David Feder, Islamorada, Florida
-Jon Brooks, Toronto
-inUniform, Toronto
-The Anti-Q's, Niagra Falls
Some random guy, loving the lipgloss.
Actually, the lipgloss was a hit. It was kind of weird.
Maybe it was my eyelash batting abilities that helped in giving it away.
(At the end of the night I told Alice, "We made a lot of new friends tonight!"
"No. . ." Rod interrupted me, "You made a lot of friends tonight.")
We thought our outfits maybe made us look like superheroes. Or possibly an intense bowling team.
Most accurately though, we kind of look like Adidas-sponsored paramedics. Lip gloss, after all, can save lives!
*I know I'm a bad person. I don't mean to be. It was a beer and Oilers-losing-the-hockey-game invoked rant. I was also dissapointed because Alice wasn't my partner. I usually don't judge people, just to clarify!
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| posted by Jess at 2:04 AM | Permalink |
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| Gandalf has nothing on the cherry flavoured lip blam |
For the past few nights, the smell of cherry flavoured lipbalm has been invading my nostrils as I sleep, messing with my REM cycles, and causing nightmares.
If you're not entirely clear on how lip balm can invoke nightmares of sleep-depriving proportions, let me explain.
The levels to which I'll lower myself to make money, never fail amaze even me. I thought I had reached my all-time low a couple years ago when I subjected myself to an entire day at Walmart handing out trading cards, while dressed as Gandalf the Wizard for the release of the Lord of the Rings DVD.
However, the current promotions I'm involved with for NXNE may surpass even the horror of being hit on by 13-year-old pimply sci fi nerds all day. ("Hey, I'll trade you a dwarf card for my goblin card, if y'know what I'm saying!" "Why are you dressed as Gandalf? Have you ever considered dressing like Princess Leia?")
First, there's the aforementioned lipgloss. At training, our supervisor handed us out laminated cards of paper.
"These are the emergency numbers you need in case you need more lipgloss," she told us. "If it's an emergency, and you run out, we'll bring some more to you!"
Somehow, I don't think I'll be needing the emergency numbers.
Second, I'm suddenly a corporate slut. Other than a Club Monaco shirt that was given to me by my Grandma at Christmas (long after Club Monaco was actually cool), I've always prided myself on not having name brands garishly whored out across my chest. However, working for [input name of cell phone provider here], I'm now the proud owner of:
1) An Adidas First Aid bag, approximately half the size of Alice, which I'm sure will come in handy for holding beer and some cold sandwiches for all those fishing trips I go on. Currently, it is holding the lipgloss.
2) Two Adidas soccer jerseys, which are incrediably appropriate, considering NXNE is an indie rock festival
3) An Adidas zip-up featuring some mystery Japanese writing, which Scott suggested may have been cleverly embroidered onto the garmet by a sweatshop worker, the translation being "Help me!"
4) A pair of brand-new Adidas running shoes, which are the one thing I actually want, but the order has been delayed and I may never receive them.
It should be an interesting weekend. After all, everyone knows that 13-year-old sci fi nerds grow up to become 20-something indie music nerds.
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On a totally unrelated note, check out the t-shirt my mom sent to me without any sort of note or explanation. I can only presume from the stack of book surrounding the superheroes that it is from the summer reading program at the library. Anyone want to hedge a guess as to what the "H" stands for? (I'll let you guys throws some ideas out there before I call home on Sunday and ask her.) |
| posted by Jess at 1:51 AM | Permalink |
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| Thursday, June 08, 2006 |
| The Travel Blog |
Inspired by my mosquito net shopping experience, I've set a blog for my travels. Premature Nostalgia, as of about one or two weeks from now, will be going on somewhat of a hiatus until the August 28th.
Instead, if you're curious about what I'm up to, check out Parasites are Sexier Than Malaria for the official PG-13 version of my travels. (It's PG-13, because my parents and sponsors will be reading it.)
Don't worry though. I'll be sure to save all the 18-A content for this blog. Just keep your eyes open. |
| posted by Jess at 12:46 AM | Permalink |
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| Wednesday, June 07, 2006 |
| Pleasure |
I forgot the written list at work, so I'll have to add to this tomorrow, but here goes (as per requested/suggested by Mark):
walking over subway grates
shoes that click in empty hallways
pistachios
the smell of skunk/coconut (although not combined)
haircuts
The Princess Theatre
Desolation Sound
Capture the Flag/Flashlight Tag/Hide and Go Seek
third dates
postcards
popping blisters/squeezing blemishes/plucking hairs
souvenirs
unexpected mail
stolen words and catchphrases
freckles
diving off the side of boats
singing in the truck with my Dad
sunroom family night reading sessions
new favourite songs
album liner notes
making lists
affectionate nicknames
open road and a full tank of gas
laying on the roof topless
hip flasks
eating out/take-out food
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In other non-pleasurable news, I set up a myspace account. However, I've been too lazy to a) write anything about myself (ironic, I know. . . or is that ironic? Like Melissa, Alanis also has me confused) and b) add friends. If you want to add me, it's http://myspace.com/prematurenostalgia.
Then again, chances are, I'll delete the account by tomorrow. |
| posted by Jess at 8:47 PM | Permalink |
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| Tuesday, June 06, 2006 |
| Malaria, Hockey and Beard Bluffs |
I finally got my camera back on Friday. I was going to celebrate by taking pictures of myself on the bus to London, but I made friends instead. There was some guy in a business suit sitting directly behind me. "I think parasites trump diseases," I told him, pretty much out of nowhere, "I think they are much more interesting. I think I'd prefer to get a parasite over having malaria. Then again, at least malaria is an interesting disease. I mean, when you get pneumonia, does anyone really care? But malaria's sort of like rabies- it's a disease you can brag about!" The guy in the business suit raised an eyebrow at me, not sure whether to laugh or change seats under the pretense of having uncontrollable flatulence. The guy sitting across the aisle from us didn't hold back though, and started cracking up. We became fast friends. 
Then Courtney took me for Dairy Queen, which was delicious.
Last night, after training for my NXNE job, I went to watch to Mick E. Fynn's with an Australian-Chilean. . .
. . .and a Columbian raised in Mexico to sit in front of the Maple Leaf Gardens and watch the Edmonton Oilers play Game 1.
I felt hilarious, especially when I was the only one on the patio cheering when the Oilers were winning 3-1. (I felt even more hilarious explaining to Alice who Don Cherry is.)
And then, we lost. I was upset.
David, on the other hand, didn't seem to care.
And Alice was too busy working out her drug deals to be upset.
Nando wasn't doing too well in proving to us that he doesn't secretly belong to the mafia.
And I have absolutely no caption for this, except that it is the only half-decent picture Alice and I have ever taken together ever since the Mstrkrft stamp-licking night.
This, however, is easily my new favourite picture ever.
Nando also threatened to shave off his beard. I think he's bluffing.
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| posted by Jess at 11:48 AM | Permalink |
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| Sunday, June 04, 2006 |
| Get Off Easily! |
Mark finally got off his ass and updated GET OFF THAT THING!
Go read it.
Because I have nothing to say here. |
| posted by Jess at 11:00 PM | Permalink |
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| Thursday, June 01, 2006 |
| Seminar for the United Cliques and International Popular People |
I was at a family friend's home for dinner one night, relating my recent participation in the prestigious Forum for Young Albertans, when she suggested to me that I should apply to the Seminar for the United Nations and International Affairs (SUNIA). "You'll love it!" she assured me.
The idea was appealing. There was only a month left to the summer. I was 17 and bored of my boyfriend. We had spent the whole summer sitting in front of Macs eating popsicles, when I wasn't busy waitressing at the Harbour House.
I went home and researched the camp to discover that it was dedicated to a mock United Nations Assembly. Participants would each represent a county in the Security Council and would be responsible for researching and presenting their own arguments. Speakers from the United Nations would be spending the week with us at our log cabin campsite to further our international political knowledge.
However, the camp had an adsurd aspect. When we weren't busy researching our country's history and political climate in the makeshift library, we would be canoeing, climbing mountains and playing football. It turned out that SUNIA was a combination political camp/adventure camp.
Clearly, the organizers were a little confused. After all, what kind of 17-year-old teenager sacrifices a week of their summer vacation to go to political camp? I'll give you a hint- not the kind of teenager that is interested in climbing a mountain. Or capable of climbing a mountain without the use of an inhaler, anyways. I thought the concept was hilarious.
I had missed the deadline for application, but after I sent several annoying e-mails to the organizers pleading for acceptance I received an e-mail: "Congratulations. You will be representing the country of Jordan in the Security Council. We suggest you start your research immediatly, as all the other participants have had several weeks of preparation already."
I eagerly anticipated my reign as the most popular girl at nerd camp. I would be known for my fuschia pink hair, my abrasively acerbic wit, my overwhelming intellect in the area of international affairs, and my ability to climb a mountain without the use of an inhaler. The boys would all be devasted when they found out I had a boyfriend back at home. It would be perfect!
And then, I got on the bus.
A bus full of funny, attractive, socially competant people.
And there wasn't a single inhaler in sight.
While I had signed up to go to a political camp, begrudging accepting the fact I'd have to physically active on the side, everyone else had signed up for the adventure aspect of the camp, begruding accepting the political aspect. And while I had paid out of my own pocket to attend political camp by myself, everyone else had been sponsored by their schools to attend. In otherwords, everyone else already had a friend.
I was alone.
The worst day was the Wednesday. Early in the morning, after a night of no sleep (a product of sharing a cabin with 30 other girls, one of whom snored like she was having an orgasm, on beds that were covered with plastic) the bell rang and we arose to start research. After reading government documents for a few hours followed by a mid-day game of football, they drove us to a mountain, which we proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon hking up and down. Then, instead of taking us home, they drove us to another mystery nature location and made us play more football. By the time we returned to camp, it was dark out. I was exhausted and breathed a sigh of relief when the bus pulled up to the sign indicating that we would be at the camp in 5 km. I had minutes left on my phone card and wanted to call home.
And then suddenly, the bus stopped. We were ordered to get off, and handed candles. Apparently, after a 12 hour day, we were expected to light the candles and perform a 5 km peace walk back to camp, in silence, thinking about all the victims of war. I started to cry. I overheard other campers whispering to one another about how I was admirable for being so empathetic about the victims of war. It was touching, really.
But the truth is, I was just really homesick and lonely.
When we finally got back to the cabins, I ran to grab my phone card, and ran back to the pay phones. A counselor stopped me. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked, "we have an emergency cabin meeting." Blubbering and nearly crying again, I followed her silently back to the cabin.
Just then, the emergency camp bell rang and we were rushed down to the main cabin. I started bawling. Would the day never end? I was terrified it was a fire or some other disastrous event. But no, we had more fun in store! When we got to the main cabin, the organizers had planned the fun activity of staging a mock emergency Security Council meeting! At two in the morning! Awesome!
It wasn't until the end of the week that I finally made friends. Actually, it was on the bus ride home. In the last 20 minutes. Awesome!
The moral of the story?
I'm starting to get nervous about leaving for Vanuatu. |
| posted by Jess at 2:22 PM | Permalink |
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| I promise I'll be better. |
The truth is, I shut off my internal monologue ever since I haven't had a camera.
Maybe that's why I haven't blogged.
Alice suggested that maybe it would be my new "thing."
As in: "Y'know Jess, this could be a new thing for you. Not taking pictures. Actually living life instead of viewing it through the lens of a camera?"
I think Alice had a point. However, I usually don't view life through the lens of a camera, since my camera is usually at arms length directed at myself.
Anyways, that's why I haven't blogged.
Stuff happened. Court, Melissa and Monique all visited. (Which was lovely.) We went to see Douglas Coupland speak. Monique cooked tons of delicious meals. I went to the Found Magazine reading to see Davy Rothbert with Alice. We went out for my birthday, and I wore my red dress. (Thanks to everyone who came out. It was the best birthday I've had in ages.) We went to Canada's Wonderland. (Also fun and worth the sunburn.) Melissa and I got drunk on a Wednesday night. (Check out her blog for more pictures.)
But really, I was too busy enjoying myself to stop and write down key phrases I should write on the blog.
So, can you all please stop harassing me to update the blog?
Because I'd really like to log in to msn without feeling guilty.
Hmm, perhaps this all sounds a little sour.
Don't worry. Two weeks and $150 later, I should have my camera back tomorrow.
And basically, it's flattering to all of you. I was too busy enjoying your company to worry about how I was going to narrate and capture the moments in an interesting, witty and concise manner.
It was kind of nice to just shut off for a while.
Okay, and I read some books in between, too.
I promise I'll be better. Tomorrow, life resumes as per normal. |
| posted by Jess at 12:25 AM | Permalink |
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