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| Sunday, October 30, 2005 |
| 5 Parties and a Diner |
After pulling myself out of bed yesterday night, it was time to get the ball rolling again and start getting ready to go.
Courtney was colour co-ordinated with her room.
Party #1
First, we headed to Junior and Taylor's apartment, where I was revoked of my spanking duties, because apparently I wasn't spanking hard enough. Junior took over. (It occurs to me now, that Halloween is the only opportunity you have to see one heterosexual guy gleefully spanking another heterosexual guy while dressed as a fireman.)
Whoever commented a couple of weeks ago that you'd like to see more pictures of Courtney, this is your lucky day, since this post is full of them.
Last year, we went to this same party dressed as burlesque showgirls. At the time, everyone was staring at us for our lack of clothing. This year, we were brutally ignored because pretty much every female at the party was clad in little more than lingerie. I guess we're just ahead of our time.
Taylor puts out the fire on his birthday cake.
Party #2
Usually, when you go to parties, you can expect little more than half-assed affairs where most people haven't even bothered to dress up. Our second party of the night didn't fall into this category. Our hosts had a full table spread of homemade festive foods. . .
. . .a smoke machine, and later they even handed out "goodie bags." Even the president of Ryerson's Students Union was present.
Hell, the hosts even had matching costumes.
Chris and Katie. (It was Katie's birthday too!)
Red was there. This was the best "inanimate object" pose he could muster.
And then I ran into these girls, who I didn't even recognize because of the wigs.
Robin and Carla are both in journalism, and Carla used to live on the same floor as Brie, Sasha and Katrina in residence last year.
Party #3
Despite Chris and Katie's awesome hospitality, we went upstairs to the 26th floor of the same apartment building to see Jonny. . .
. . .and Justin, who I didn't even recognize. Apparently, wigs really confuse me.
Brie somehow managed to score a mug that matched her outfit.
Party #4
Later, we met up with Sasha, Katrina and Jared to go to the same keg party Courtney I went to last year.
Yet again, we saw some more familiar faces:
The infamous bush that I fell in last year. . .
. . .and this guy! Who apparently wasn't a lamp, but was instead a tube of toothpaste or something. He seemed to know me fairly well, despite the fact that I don't remember him at all. After taking this picture solely because his appearance made me laugh, I quickly ended the conversation before I found out what I had been up to the previous night.
Luckily, the police showed up to break up the keg party, so the conversation wasn't too hard to end.
And outside, I ran into Natalie, who is also in my program and lived on the same floor in residence as Brie, Sasha, Katrina and Carla.
Frustrated that we had been to four parties, and nothing had "happened" worthy of story-telling, we went back home to regroup our strategy.
And Mark was there.
As were Katrina and Jared, who we had lost earlier.
Sasha, Court and I were determined to make something of the night. We headed to Party #5 at Adrift Skateshop in Kensington, but were frustrated to discover that it was winding down and emptying out.
So instead we went to Fran's diner and ate breakfast and celebrated the fact that Daylight Savings Time ended, and that we would get to sleep in an extra hour the next morning.
Because if we're good at anything, it's eating and sleeping. |
posted by Jess at 4:34 PM | Permalink |
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| Saturday, October 29, 2005 |
| Prehydration Pictures |
Well, I'm mobile again, and drinking some delicious iced tea, before I start in on the rye and coke again.
So, just for the hell of it, I'm posting pictures of Halloweens past.
2003
My cousin Katherine, Chloe and I all dressed up in togas. By the end of the night, I had acquired half a set of handcuffs, a gun, and when I got undressed, plastic pumpkins tumbled out of my underwear. The night was such a disaster that I vowed I would never drink again.
2003: This was about a week into my sobriety, and the classic "lingerie model" costume. Katherine told me I would be her hero for a year if I wore this to the bar. (Then again, she also said the same thing the time that a stripper wanted me to flash her. But that's another story.) Not only did I wear it to the bar, sober, but I also dance on the stage with this guy. My favourite thing about this picture is the direction his gaze is blantantly going in.
2001: Grade Eleven.
Janel and I went out to a base dance. We were the only people there dressed for Halloween. The sad part is though, this wasn't a costume for me. This is actually how I dressed in high school. But, if you've seen my driver's liscense from that same year, this should come as no surprise.
This was my Halloween costume that I wore to school that same year. Yes, I was a Gap Pod Person, complete with butterfly hair clips. My most terrifying costume to date.
2004
Courtney and I were burlesque showgirls, Brie was Marilyn Monroe, and Sasha was catwoman.
From the Calendar. October 2004.
Chloe and I got creative with tinfoil. |
| posted by Jess at 8:22 PM | Permalink |
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| Naughty Boys Deserve Spankings |
It's a couple of hours later, and I'm sitting in bed drinking some mystery tea that Sasha, my witch-doctor roomate, concocted. (Brie swears that this particular tea works, once you get past the fact that it tastes like those Scratch and Sniff Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stickers that smelled like pizza. Not that Brie has actually eaten one of those stickers before. We're talking completely hypothetically here.)
Anyways, apparently after Brie put me in a cab home last night, her memory began to lapse, so she doesn't remember much about the night.
And the photographic evidence doesn't help.
"Before"
Brie and I met Frank for lunch around 1:00 in the afternoon, which is when we started drinking.
"After"
Things to note about my costume: I sewed my apron. Also, the spoon proved useful in giving spankings where I felt it was necessary. Katrina, in particular, really felt she deserved a spanking. She bent over the table Secretary style. Her boyfriend and his brother seemed to enjoy our enthusiasm.
I just think I'd make a really good dominatrix.
Brie was Rainbow Bright.
For further clarification, I was a '50s housewife. In previous years, I've gone as a lingerie model, and last year I was a burlesque showgirl. I thought it was about time to pull out a wholesome costume.
Brie's awesome makeup in the cab.
I have reason to believe that I thought I was being sexy.
The best part of the night (and the only part I can remember): Brian's homemade asparagus costume.
Vanessa was Camp Caribou. I have no idea what Camp Caribou is, but apparently this was a hit at the party.
I actually don't even remember seeing Vanessa last night. I must have spent some good time with her though.
Shortly before I passed out. I have no idea how I look this lucid.
The last picture taken before I passed out. I have no idea who this guy is, but I knew that I really liked the fact that he was a lamp.
And tonight is Round Two. |
| posted by Jess at 3:00 PM | Permalink |
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| I need my photographic documentation! |
Right now, I can't remember last night.
I'm at the point where your head throbs, and you want desperately to sleep, but you can't let yourself become unconcious again. That's what you spent last night doing.
Brie has my photographic documentation. I called her half an hour ago, worried. "Can you bring my digital camera home please?"
So far, all I remember is:
Getting in a cab with Brian, who was dressed as an asparagus. (Which, as you can guess, was the highlight of my night. It was a brilliant costume.)
Fast forward to the end of the night, when the party was still in full-swing but Brie insisted I take my heels off to walk down the stairs, where she fetched me a cab, and I went home.
Great.
So what happened in between?
I have skin missing from my ankles and bruises forming.
I seriously need Brie to come home with my camera so I can fill in the blank spots. |
| posted by Jess at 9:52 AM | Permalink |
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| Wednesday, October 26, 2005 |
| Problems in China #2: MSN Viruses |
In which I document the trials and tribulations of 5 girls living together.
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Last year, Courtney and I lived next door to each other in residence (Sasha, Katrina and Brie all lived in the other residence building across the street from us) and I somehow became responsible for keeping Courtney's computer in sufficient running order.
As the Alpha Female in China, my role and responsibility has only increased, because now I have 5 computers to look after instead of just 2.
I was just about to go bed last night around 1 a.m., when I got a MSN message from Courtney. "Hi, is this you. . . [my e-mail address and someother garble]?" and when I clicked on it, it was a .exe file. I knew she was going to come running up the stairs any minute, asking for help. But before she had time to do so, I got the same msn message from Brie.
I lectured Courtney. Mainly because she got a variation of this worm only about six months ago, and I had instructed her at that point in time to not open random executable files people send her over MSN. Apparently she did not heed my advice.
Anyways, I would make this post more interesting, but I have to go fix some computers now, but if you are having the same problem, this link has easy to-follow (and slightly humorous)instructions for removal written for the computer illiterate. Also, since it's hard to locate the name, because the file is hidden, it's svshost.exe
Good luck! |
| posted by Jess at 2:41 PM | Permalink |
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| Tuesday, October 25, 2005 |
| Forgotten Flirting Tactics |
Whatever happened to batting your eyelashes? I remember being eight and conjuring up all my feminine wiles in order to practice this maneuver, eager for the day when I could put it into use. I envisioned myself fluttering them coquettishly, emanating Miss Piggy, and having men unable to resist my obvious charms and falling at my feet.
“What’s wrong? Do you have something in your eye?”
Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the eyelash flutter is, generally speaking, restricted to the domain of thick-lashed, two-dimensional television characters.
However, I have recently developed faith that little girls everywhere will be able to use the tactics they practice in between hop-scotch and jump-rope. But we have to pave the way for them. There’s still hope that it can be done- Chloe has been known to flutter her eyelashes with great frequency in the most natural manner possible. (But then again, it must be noted that Chloe is also susceptible to pursing her lips in a style that Mary-Kate Olsen patented.)
Similarly, what about winking? It’s subtle, eloquent, and when done correctly, a lot more effective than walking up to a girl and attempting to start a conversation by saying, “Why aren’t you smiling? You look tired/bored.”* Furthermore, the only guys who have winked at me in recent history have had to interrupt agitated conversations with invisible company in order to do so. I'm pretty sure that I will melt at the feet of the next guy who genuinely winks with me in an effort to flirt, just so long as he appears mentally stable.
These are the forgotten flirting tactics.
First there was MakeOut Campaign 2004. Then there was Reformation 2005. I’m hereby declaring 2006 the Year of the Forgotten Flirting Tactics.
"No, I don't have something in my eye. I'm distinctly being sexy right now."
* This is a pet peeve of mine. NEVER EVER say this to a girl. I guarantee that it drives 99% of females crazy. It’s offensive. Just because a girl is not exposing her thong from the top of a bar while pouring cold water over her white t-shirt doesn’t mean that she is bored or tired. Thanks for coming out, though. |
| posted by Jess at 2:23 PM | Permalink |
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| Thursday, October 20, 2005 |
| Blue Collar Sex Fantasies |
My sexual psychology class has actually become the portion of the week that I dread. Just when I think I'm content with going to sleep in my own bed, by myself, every single night for the past couple of years (okay, well, almost every single night for the past couple of years, but who's keeping track, really?) I hit Chapter 9: Techniques of Arousal and Communication. I don't think I need to elaborate upon why this is a problem.
Earlier this month, I came to the conclusion that the only solution to my problem is developing a relationship with a convict who is currently incarcerated at a nearby institution. I mean, think about it- it's the perfect relationship; no major commitments, I love to write, I love to read and let's not forget the biggest benefit of the theoretical prison relationship- conjucal visits!
However, after a quick search of the Internet, I realized I have no clue on how to go about forming a relationship with a prison convict. But I knew I had stumbled upon something even bigger- something that I like to call "blue collar sex fantasies."
Why should conjucal visits be limited to trailers within prison walls? Why can't these situations include ordinary law-abiding* citizens such as you and me**? Why is it that all these ridiculously cliched role-playing stereotypes must be shoved down our throats (sometimes literally) when it is possible to come up with much more inventive fantasies? Raise your hand if you're sick of playing doctor? Or schoolgirl? Or cowboy? Or French maid?
Okay, so obviously none of you are raising your hands right now, but this is beyond the point.
A couple of weeks ago, Brie and I sat and brainstormed atypical sexual fantasies that could quite easily be performed with two consenting adults in a caring relationship. So, I present to you, the condensed list of blue-collar fantasies:
The Homeless Man Fantasy- In which you meet a guy on the street, take him home and clean him up, and one thing leads to another. . .
The Children's Fort Fantasy- Who didn't love building forts as a kid? Don't you long with the times that you'd build a fort in the living room out of chairs and blankets and couch cushions and put a flashlight in the middle of it all? Okay, now take that feel-good memory and add sex.
The Hassel Free Clinic Fantasy- "What? You're clean? I am too!" Need I say more?
The White Fang Fantasy- This is similar to a Jane-Tarzan fantasy, although much more primal in nature. It involves a boy raised by wolves. Just because wolves are sexier than apes. And I would assume more aggressive.
Again, this is the condensed list. I just thought I'd share some of my favourites.
Feel free to contribute your own blue-collar sex fantasies to the database.
And if not, can someone please tell me how I can get a pen-pal in prison?
*Well, law-abiding with the exception of road pops, that one nasty speeding ticket I got, being drunk in public places, urinating in public, and the time that Chloe and I nearly got ticketed for pandhandling inappropriatly during the Mobile Kissing Booth incident.
**And by you and me, I mean you and whoever you are with. Because as I have quite redundantly stated, I'm not with anyone. Except my boyfriend, the wheatbag. |
| posted by Jess at 11:33 PM | Permalink |
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| Wednesday, October 19, 2005 |
| Now, I'm officially a poor student. |
$350 later, and I'm back. All my music, all my writing, all my files still intact.
Now, I just need to e-mail my parents and ask for money.
I keep composing messages and then deleting them. I just can't bring myself to do it. . .
(However, I didn't have any problem writing a nasty letter to Dell outlining my current discontent.) |
| posted by Jess at 6:24 PM | Permalink |
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| Tuesday, October 18, 2005 |
| Why won't you let me turn you on? |
I got up early today with the intention of spending a relaxing morning responding to all the e-mails that have been piling up in my inbox over time unanswered, but not forgotten.
I turned my computer on. But like so many guys in my recent history, I was unable to do so. (Turn it on, that is.)
I cried.
My music, some 1000 files of it, may be lost. It turns out that my argument about the fallacy of digital music is correct. (I believe in owning albums, but due to the fact I'm a student my concrete music collection is not near to what I would like it to be, and my CDs really can't placate me right now. . . I actually don't even own a CD player.) I'm not going to lie though, I thought this was the type of thing that only happens to people who rely primarily upon their itunes, in a karmic payback sense of the world. I guess I was wrong.
All my writing might be gone. (The weight of this is heavier, once you realize that I'm a journalism student.)
And this year's calendar pictures? Well, luckily Chloe has a copy of *those* files, because quite frankly, this last loss would have been too must to take.
My computer is now in the hands of some stranger. He was supposed to call me with the patient's prognosis, but failed to do so. Is it a virus? Is it a hardrive failure?* Either way, it's the middle of midterms, I'm stressed out and crying, and financially unable to deal with this latest burden.
So, in summary, I'm a little bummed out. I may have lost my music (the only thing I love more than words, and of course, myself), I'm broke, it's midterms and I can't turn anyone or anything on.
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If you need to reach me, please call. Friendly voices are appreciated.
*If you any of you leave comments with tech advice, I will probably just get annoyed. I've owned the system for a little over a year, have had to replace the CD drive twice and the motherboard once, and am well acquainted with the tech support hotline guys. In fact, I flirt with them more frequently than guys at bars. Anyways, I'm at my wit's end here, and it's out of my hands. |
| posted by Jess at 6:44 PM | Permalink |
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| Sunday, October 16, 2005 |
| Problems in China #1 |
Problems in China: Where I chronicle the disputes that occur frequently in our house.
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The most common reaction people have when I tell anyone that I live in a house of five girls, (four of whom are fashion students) is a cocked eyebrow and a skeptical, "So, how's that going for you?"
Surprisingly well, thanks for asking.
Apart from a couple of pet peeves members of house have:
Problem in China #1:
"Jessica sheds everywhere!" Courtney said the other day, after she completed her biweekly chore of cleaning the stairs.
"How did you clean up the hair?" Brie asked.
"I swept it off the stairs. But you have to pick the hair out of the broom afterwards," Court told her.
"Ewww. Well, at least we know whose hair it is."
I interrupted, "Actually, the worst part is, we don't know whose hair it is."
Thank you random Japanese girl!
This morning I swept our very short upstairs hallway, which I swept a couple of days ago. This is the lovely ball of hair I accumulated.
Update:
Brie just walked into my room just now to show me this lovely display of notably blonde hair that she swept off her bedroom carpet.
Then again, that's a month's worth of hair, not a week. Nonetheless. . . |
| posted by Jess at 2:57 PM | Permalink |
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| Introducing Canada's Next Top Sears Model! |
On Friday, after a rough night of staying up late and watching Arrested Development on DVD (Season 2 was realeased on Tuesday) I slept through my morning class before getting out of bed to go model for Katrina.
When I got to the Image Arts building, Brie proceeded to curl my eyelashes and tease my already big hair into pigtails.
Katrina used my digital camera to take a quick test shot for the technical portion of their assignment.
After 3 hours of arching my back in unnatural positions with a shoe tied to my head (pictures coming soon!) I walked home thinking about my potential career as a model. I've come to realize that I can only fully live out my dream if they start up a series called, "Canada's Next Sears Model" and if I'm allowed to model for the 12-15 year-old girls section.
With this thought in mind, I got ready to go out to the guy's Wine and Cheese Party. ("The guy's"? Yes, I know, it's a terrible phrase. But there are six guys living in the house. And I can't list off each of their names in reference to whose party I was going to. This is why having a name like "China" for your house or residence comes in handy.)
We walked into their house to jazz music, boys in blazers, and of course, cheese and crackers.
I felt like I was in a party in my parent's basement. Any second now, I could just hear them knocking on the door and asking, "How are you kids doing down there? Do you want some more soda? You're not touching each other, are you?"
It was awesome!
Other people decided throughout the night that they would jump on the Canada's Next Top Sears Model bandwagon. Pierre, guy whose name I forget, and Brendan already appear to be pros. I've got some tough competition.
However, not so much from Max and Charles.
Sonia and Sarah pulled out excellent Sears model poses. Apart from the beer can.
I'm not too sure Katrina and Andy were posing here.
Although I hope this was.
Wine and cheese party protocal dictates that you aren't allowed to create poses for pictures worth writing witty captions for.
Sonia gave up on the wine halfway through the night, although judging from the amount of empty bottles, we really didn't need her help.
Sarah, again. (So to those people out there who have accused me of having a girl-crush on Brie, these photos should prove otherwise. I am actually in love with Sarah.)
Okay, that was a lie too. I love Mojo, Pierre's iguana.
Premature nostalgia for events that haven't even happened yet. Give us 10 more years.
After the wine bottles were empty, we went to the Green Room where we met up with the other cocktail party that had happened that night.
Brie, Courtney and Sarah.
"You look either bored, or really, really drunk," Court told me. I couldn't figure out why she said this at the time.
I then got into an argument with a guy who had a Canadian flag snowboarder tattooed on his arm, had some Pita Pit, talked to Chloe on the phone ("Chlo-po!!"), participated in an acoustic Joni Mitchell sing-a-long, went home and crawled into my warm bed by myself.
Sometimes, I kind of miss the days when I was a slut. |
| posted by Jess at 12:47 PM | Permalink |
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| Thursday, October 13, 2005 |
| A 10-Minute Study Break |
Courtney came back from The Roots show tonight to inform us that faux-mullets are apparently huge right now. Especially curly ones.
"I thought the mullet trend already passed," said Brie, confused.
"Apparently not," said Court, detailing some mullets she had seen throughout the night. "They're huge in Europe right now."
"Well, how can you have a pseudo-mullet?" Brie legitimately asked.
"Well, they're shorter. . ." said Court, grappling for an answer, before conceding that, "a mullet is a mullet."
After discussing the matter at greater length, we've determined that the natural progression from mullets will be a resurgance of the rat-tail. But as Brie pointed out, they would have to be coming out the side of someone's head. Why? Because the uglier the better. (This is also the same logic that explains the initial reapperance of the mullet.)
And the only way to make a rat-tail uglier (and therefore, trendier) is to make it assymetrical and then braid it.
So, get ahead of the crowd, start growing yours now! |
| posted by Jess at 12:23 AM | Permalink |
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| Monday, October 10, 2005 |
| Things I'm thankful for: |
I'm thankful Mike came to visit.
I'm thankful Mike taught Brie to cook. (Stroganoff and homemade ravioli, to be exact).
I'm thankful that Brie has the ability to look exceptionally attractive while performing the given cooking tasks.
And I'm thankful that Brie took me home on the train to London for Thanksgiving.
And finally, I'm thankful for all the friends I have out there who may be reading this, all their love, kind words, and constant teasing and harassment.
Happy Thanksgiving. |
| posted by Jess at 6:12 PM | Permalink |
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| Thursday, October 06, 2005 |
| I hate this blog. |
I really hate this blog. It really empitomizes and brings emphasis to the most boring, mundane and unreadable aspects of my life. Furthermore, it seems to me that it's turning into everything I hate about blogs. In this case, (credits to Jake for this thought) blog is a four letter word.
Do you know what I did like? i enjoy being a slut. Now, that, my friends, was a brilliant blog if there ever was one.
Do I sense a revival coming on? |
| posted by Jess at 8:44 PM | Permalink |
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| Want to be a catty bitch for an hour? |
This is going to be a slightly embarassing post, but given my recent rant for the elitest masses, I don't think this is the time to be shameful.
I pride myself upon not watching TV. There isn't enough time in the day to waste your time watching mindless drivel. I'd rather go out to a bar and play darts, or sit holed-up in my room listening to music and doing crossword puzzles.
However, I will admit that there are a couple of shows I watch on a regular basis. On Monday nights I watch Arrested Development, aka the most brilliantly written sitcom in history. (How can you beat a show that includes segways, a magician, Portia De Rossi and the Blue Man Group?) Thursday nights I watch The O.C., although this has become more for the social activity in my house than anything else.
And on Wednesday nights, I watch America's Next Top Model.
I could make excuses, or try to justify my love of the show. I could tell you about how I don't really like it, but that I think it's a great microcosm for examining beauty and feminism in the 21st century. Or I could tell you that I only watch it because my roomates (who are all fashion students) do. But if I did tell you either of those things, it would be complete bullshit. The truth is that on Wednesday nights at 8 p.m., I'm allowed to be a catty bitch for an hour straight with no ramifications.
And I love it.
This season, we've decided to place bets on who the last model running in the show will be. Whoever bets on the last girl standing is excused from house chores for one full week.
Jayla (is that her name? I can't remember?) is my pick. I don't think she stands any chance of winning the competition, but she takes half decent photos, her personality doesn't annoy the hell out of me, and I think she'll be a 'come from behind' sort of girl. She'll stick the competition out, and will last the longest out of sheer mediocracy, in my opinion.
Brie picked Bre. (On a side note, Bre was my second choice).
Sasha, Courtney and Katrina all picked Nik. (However, Courtney notes that she doesn't think a black girl will win this season. Let's not kid ourselves- there is definite politics to Tyra's show).
Feel free to be a catty bitch and let me know if you watch the show. If so, who do you think will hold out the longest? |
| posted by Jess at 2:58 PM | Permalink |
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| Monday, October 03, 2005 |
| Professional dart player, at your service. |
What is this you are looking at?
That, my friends, is the bullseye that won a solid game of darts.
These are my competitors Brie and Mike, who spent the first 10 minutes of the game making fun of me for my inability to hit the board, let alone the numbers.
Well, look who's laughing now!
It's just a matter of skilled wrists, I guess. |
| posted by Jess at 5:09 PM | Permalink |
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| Saturday, October 01, 2005 |
| China's Circa 1995 Party* |
Due to the fact I'm beyond exhausted, I have nominated two co-authours for the night: my friend Mr. Gianni Estrada Valentino III Esquire DDS and Edna.
The night began in the most unpredictable fashion- a colouring contest.
Hello, 1995!
Our competitors:
Brandon- pure colouring cockiness.
GEV: I wanted Brandon to win.
Edna: You're not my best friend anymore Gianni Estrada Valentino, you've been taken off the list.
Brie-the face of a fierce colouring champion.
GEV: You mean like a Christmas card list? Because I'd be crushed if I was taken off your Christmas card list!
Edna: I guess you'll just have to wait and see.
GEV: I thought we already covered that one.
Edna: This is only going to be funny to us. [laughing hysterically]. Everybody's going to be like, "What the fuck? What are these captions?"
Edna: Is that when he bit me?! There was violence.
GEV: I was impressed by the amount of heart he showed, that was dedication.
Edna: It hurt! There's a mark on my finger. There's an extra dent that wasn't there before.
GEV: Seriously, where is my cookbook? Is Monique online right now, I want you to find out stat!
Fast forward to roughly two hours later (and by two hours, I mean two hours. . .the contest took longer than anticipated) and Brandon took control of the situation by ripping up Brie's picture, chewing on it, and proceeding to spit it into the sink.
Edna: What a jerk! That was a winning fucking colouring contest! And he shoves it in his mouth!
GEV: I liked how he spit it in the sink.
My dear friend Gianna Estrada Valentino is visiting me from Alberta.
GEV: Good for me.
Edna: Was that when I hated Mike? Or was then when I was going to keep him?
GEV: I think you liked me before the colouring contest.
Edna: You were being such a jerk. You were interefering with the colouring contest.
GEV: I was support. I was building character.
Edna: Jess and Brie are so hot because they are the only ones who dressed up. Even if we're dorky, we're sexy dorky. Like hot, sexy geeks.
GEV: Who's Canice? Does Canice read your website? I'm never going to see her again.
Edna: Don't be mean!
GEV: I'm not going to say anything bad.
Edna: That's so not cool. [referring to Paul's hand thing that is going on]
GEV: No comment. [falling over on the floor] This is just one of those things I have to keep to myself. But don't write that Jessica. People are going to think, "If Gianni Estrada Valentino ever comes back, I'm going to stab him!"
Edna: In the eye!
Edna: Courtney and Bud. We had a cat named Budweiser. We called her Buddy.
GEV: Great!
Edna: Jess, your bed is more comfortable than mine.
GEV: I like people who are eye level with me. I like her because she's tall. You can trust short people.
GEV: Who's Andy?
Edna: [hysterically laughing] I don't think he likes me.
GEV: Oh yah! I remember that guy! He reminds me of Derrick Martineau.
GEV: It doesn't really have a lot of character to it, that picture.
Edna: That's too bad.
GEV: I'm going to let you in a little secret. She's really, really short.
Edna: She's shorter in real life.
GEV: I didn't know they made people that short in real life.
Edna: Oh no! You didn't say that!
GEV: Jessica, I still have to be here for a few days.
Edna: The first half of the night gets two thumbs up!
GEV: My favourite part was "To the dance cave!" I was proud that I drank 9 beer before we left. I didn't know I had it in me.
Today, GEV took me to the CN tower because I've never been before, and because it's the typical touristy Toronto thing to do.
GEV: I was pretty fucking scared. And I'm the toughest thing going. It was all a joke. I was joking the whole time. I wanted to make Jessica feel better about almost getting blown off.
GEV: Was that before or after you almost got blown off? Friggin Mission Impossible right against the side of the tower because she thought she was going to fall off!
GEV: I think the happiest part of my trip so far was taking a pee at the top of the CN tower.
Edna: At the top? Or off the side?
GEV: You could get could distance! And how come it never occurred to me not to spit off the side?
After I nearly puked sitting on top of the glass floor, Gianna Estrada Valentino and I went downstairs and to the arcade. Let it be noted here that I won at Cruisin' USA. That's right- I beat Mike!
GEV: You're not going to tell people about that are you? That's embarassing. Let me tell you, it wasn't a very proud moment.
GEV: We were walking and Jessica kept touching me. And I was like, "Jessica, we're in the middle fo the street! Stop trying to have sex with me!" Then we stopped by a variety store and bought some clown shoes and magic tricks...I don't think this has anything to do with the picture anymore.
New York is a hell of a town.
GEV: Do you think I could get one?
Edna: Ambulances don't stop for red lights! Did you guys ever play that game? You try to feel somebody up! Isn't that funny. It was funny in grade eight! I feel nauseous.
GEV: Do you want some Pepto?
*GEV: Jessica, I think you need to put some explosions into that title. Or theme music. Or something. |
| posted by Jess at 10:02 PM | Permalink |
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